Shoe Sale Sadness

Submitted by Patricia Brown on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 10:34am

Mortality reality rings loud and clear when you least expect it. 

Moments that grab our attention can be a wake-up call. I call them life’s alarm clock.  Tick Tock.

Who would think a summer shoe sale would make me pause?  An end of season sale is the perfect time to buy for the next year, unless there is a real chance that you might not be on this earth the next time summer arrives.  Then the deal isn’t a bargain.  There I was all excited to go buy shoes until my potential mortality reality hit me between the eyes.  I slowly put all the shoes back on the rack except one pair of pink sandals.  I felt like I had to wager at least ten bucks on the bet that I would return to walk in this season’s shoes again.

Sometimes I just want to stop the clock and hold on to the moment.  I find myself holding my breath.  It feels like I am trying to protect myself from the reality that I have something in my body that is trying to kill me.  These stupid breast cancer tumors are working constantly to steal my life …to rob me of my future and all its new shoes!!!

Battling cancer can be a constant reminder to appreciate time, seize the day and make it count.  This battle requires me to believe in myself and my future by making memories with people that are close to my heart, saying what needs to be said, living with no regrets and buying shoes even when it may not be a practical purchase.

Several times a day I have to practice breathing.  I force myself to be still and think happy thoughts.  Whatever I focus on for just a few seconds is deeply valued.  Life is precious. Holding my breath won’t stop cancer but slowing down to breathe in my surroundings is a healthy solution that I suggest.  Breathing while appreciating helps to battle all kinds of “cancers”.  Try it!  Tick Tock!
 

Five Star: 
Average: 5 (19 votes)

Comments

Pink Shoes

Submitted by Jerry Byrd (not verified) on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 9:51pm.

I'm thinking im gonna send you a pair of flip-flops that are blessed and they will help change things Patrica...
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new shoes

Submitted by Amy Nutzell (not verified) on Wed, 09/12/2012 - 11:18pm.

Buy shoes to your hearts content with the belief and hope that next summer you will be wearing them with joy! I've had to learn to do that with my advanced Lupus. You know none of us know if we will be here come next season - whether we battle cancer or not - none of us have the assurance that even tomorrow will come for us all we really have is this moment and the hope of tomorrows. So live joyfully in this moment and hope and dream of many happy tomorrows! Besides, a girl can never have too many shoes!
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Victory

Submitted by Tracy Gibson (not verified) on Fri, 09/14/2012 - 9:29am.

Patricia...The more I read the more I am convinced that you have already won. Thank you for sharing your faith and strength. How many others will be inspired to victory by your testimony?
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Breathing while appreciating

Submitted by Karen Brazzeal (not verified) on Sat, 09/22/2012 - 2:35am.

Patricia, I love, love, love your blog. It makes me look at my own mortality of which doesn't seem to be in question right now. But wait, what am I saying? I don't know the what, when and where of my life's plan. So, yes, its how we should all live each day. Your inspirataion helps my life. I so enjoyed our happenstance meeting last Saturday. As I was having an anxiety filled day with travel, kids and responsibility, seeing you made me pause. It made me know that because of you, I took a step to check on my own health. I took a step to take care of 'me'. That's hard when you are a sincle parent who has so little time. It helped me undstand God intended me to be good to myself as I am His creation. Your struggle helped break the isolation of thinking there's not enough time to pause for self care. And attitude is everything when it comes to handing it all over to Him. Nothing by chance. And then meeting the Tilley's at Parent Teacher conferences yesterday who have a daughter in my daughter's class. And being connected to them because of you. Nothing by chance. I believe we are right where we are supposed to be. Not that I immediately accept the struggle, pain, and lesson of the peaks and valleys of life. I am guilty of the resistance to work through touch situations by using denial or wanting to give up. But it's when we give up we see the 'why' of what we are going through. God's whispers to me with people like you. With people like your brother. I have a wonderful job because of him. Seven years ago, I got a phone call from him the last day, the last hour and the last phone call while sitting at my desk of my previous employer. He asked me to come work for him. Not knowing what job was next for me. The answer came simply. A phone call of divine intervention guiding me to the next step. Nothing by chance. I enjoy more because of you. I cherish more beacuse of you. I love more because of you, which includes loving myself more. And others around me. Nothing by chance. You are an inspiration. I pray everyday for you and your family. Thank you for taking the initiative to share with all of us your experience. I have no doubt it will impact many. And save lives. It's my honor to know you.
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New Shoes!

Submitted by BillboardChick66 on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 8:54am.

Girl!!! GO FOR IT! Wear them when YOU want! Buy as MANY as you can fit in your closet and when that gets too full, use another room!!! As the saying goes, "if the shoe fits, then wear it!".......so WEAR EM!!!!

Tracy McMillen

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