Tough Times

I've been blindsided. 

I did not see the series of disappointments and concerns coming my way.  The daily dose of pain, confusion, and hurt that I've lived through every day since the end of January  has been unbelievably difficult to endure.

Bad news, bad information, bad teeth, and bad timing all happening during bad weather eventually took the sunshine out of my soul.  Sometimes life challenges can be just too much.  I now know how an overwhelmingly bad season feels.  It is hard to smile.  It becomes hard to hold on to faith.  It is hard to even exist.

Tough times started with an abscessed tooth while at MD Anderson with no pain pills.  Unbelievable pain in my mouth continued for two weeks.  Three root canal treatments with over ten shots finally has me on the road to dental recovery.  During the two weeks of oral pain, there was confusion on the right course of cancer treatment.  Fortunately, after a week of anxiety, it was decided that I needed to continue taking the drug that has kept me stable for a year.

And then the hits kept coming.  Humana canceled my health insurance.  Yes, thanks to the Affordable Care Act (ACA) they can cancel my health insurance.

Believe it or not, there is more tough stuff that I am working through. 

The timing of so much bad and sad stuff has occurred while I'm also having so much fun with my daughter and my girlfriends producing  Amanda's March wedding celebration.  God has interesting timing.  Amanda will be a beautiful bride.  I'm so proud  to be her Mom.  The past twenty-seven years have flown by.  Thankfully, we have had each other through thick and thin.  Right now, she is giving me positive energy and purpose.  I'm blessed.

People have prayed for me and encouraged me.  Many people have jumped into the middle of my life determined to pull me through the darkness by showing me love and sharing their professional talents to help me out of the despair caused from having to make so many serious decisions all at once.  God has sent His earthly angels to me.  On their wings and through their wisdom, I am being lifted out of this tough tough time.  Thank you Lord. Thank you friends and family.

Spring is around the corner.  I choose to live believing sunshine will be completely restored to my life.  I'm remain grateful and hopeful even in tough times. 

Tick Tock.

 

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Comments

You are refinement

On Facebook you said you feel like you're being tested and refined. "But the Lord knows the way that I take; and when He has tried me, I will come forth as gold." (Job 23:10) Maybe you're right! You're being refined like gold.

Praying

Just want you to know, I am praying for you & praying you find that sunshine you have lost. Praying the pain & frustrations get easier for you.

Inspiring for years to come

You have a terrific attitude in the midst of such a hellacious time. Most of us cry foul and whine over hardships like incorrect food orders or all-day headaches. We lose hope in humanity when our insurance premiums raise a little, and we lose faith in God when our health isn't restored within a week. You, PB, continue to shine brightly on the outside no matter what is going on inside. My wish is that, 50 years from now when you and I are making beautiful daisies, my great-grandchildren will read my journal and set a goal of being the same hot-spot of success that you were for your contemporaries.

Medications

In about 2-3 days they were going to open up my Father and replace a vein near his heart but an intern looked at his chart, had his heart medication changed and in about that same time he was back home instead. Next my Mother was wild with her condition...96 years old and awake for 36 hours at a pop but try getting them to take someone off they're main Alzheimers medicine. I ran out one weekend and she settled down before I got the refill. We had just put her through misery for over 5 years and no Dr would admit it was the medicine. Sometime a medication works for awhile and then it can start making things worse. Something to keep in mind. Good luck!

Thank you Patricia

...for your probity. In truth there is nothing to fear but that is not so easy to recognize when the experience is informing you otherwise. The presence of fear is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own strength. If you are trusting in your own strength, you have every reason to be apprehensive, anxious and fearful. What can you predict or control? What is there in you that can be counted on? What would give you the ability to be aware of all the facets of any problem, and to resolve them in such a way that only good can come of it? What is there in you that gives you the recognition of the right solution, and the guarantee that it will be accomplished? Of yourself you can do none of these things. To believe that you can is to put your trust where trust is unwarranted, and to justify fear, anxiety, depression, anger and sorrow. Who can put his faith in weakness and feel safe? Yet who can put his faith in strength and feel weak? God is your safety in every circumstance. The awareness that there is nothing to fear shows that somewhere in your mind, though not necessarily in a place that you recognize as yet, you have remembered God and let that strength take the place of your weakness. The instant you are willing to do this there is indeed nothing to fear. Note: I use the familiar symbol of 'God' because it is convenient. I feel that the meaning of the concept of God is one that each person needs to arrive at for her or himself in their own way and the relationship that have with their concept of God is the relationship they choose to have.
...for your probity. In truth there is nothing to fear but that is not so easy to recognize when the experience is informing you otherwise. The presence of fear is a sure sign that you are trusting in your own strength. If you are trusting in your own strength, you have every reason to be apprehensive, anxious and fearful. What can you predict or control? What is there in you that can be counted on? What would give you the ability to be aware of all the facets of any problem, and to resolve them in such a way that only good can come of it? What is there in you that gives you the recognition of the right solution, and the guarantee that it will be accomplished? Of ...>> Read the entire comment.

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